


do you look both ways when you cross my mind?

by Yamiikumo



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Communication, F/M, Fluff, Gender Dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, LGBTQ Themes, POV Alternating, Pre-Relationship, Transphobia, maybe next time, no identity reveals here folks, trans luka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26737204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yamiikumo/pseuds/Yamiikumo
Summary: Marinette is locked out of her house, so she decides to hang out with one of her friends while she waits for her parents to come home. Turns out, all her friends are either unavailable or she personally feels uncomfortable being alone with them for a couple hours, except for one person:Luka.While she's alone with the blue haired boy, Marinette discovers a lot of things about him, and a new type of relationship that goes a little beyond friendship begins to blossom between them.
Relationships: Juleka Couffaine & Luka Couffaine, Luka Couffaine/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 4
Kudos: 62





	do you look both ways when you cross my mind?

**Author's Note:**

> warning, this story has transphobia (not from marinette, don't worry) and uses the T slur once.
> 
> i am a trans person myself so i'm able to reclaim it, but if you're uncomfortable with it i'd advise you to not read this story.

As Marinette went to her house after school, she realized something was very wrong when she attempted to open the door. The door was locked, and after frantically checking her pants and bag for any spare keys, she couldn't find any.

"I must've forgot my keys at school," she realized outloud with a loud groan.

Tikki peeked her head out her purse, "Can't you just call your parents to come and unlock it for you?"

"I can! But they're on such a happy date in a fancy resturant right now and I don't want to ruin that for them! Agh!" 

"How about you call one of your friends and see if you can hang out with them until your parents come back?"

Marinette snapped her fingers, "That's a really good idea, Tikki!" 

Tikki shot Marinette an optimistic smile as she reached for her phone.

Her thoughts immediately lead to Alya, but as she was about to dial her number she remembered she was on a date too with Nino. Ah, dang it, why is everyone so busy today?

Her next choice was Adrien, but in the end she chose against calling him. Hanging out with Adrien alone for a couple hours would be ... _weird_ , and she wasn't sure if her dad would be too pleased with seeing her again.

The next name on her contact list was Clhoe, and truthfully she would rather sit out here by herself than spend half a day with her.

That leaved her with...

"Oh Luka! Hi!" Marinette greeted as she saw Luka's face appear on her screen, only a few secconds after she dialed him.

Luka was laying down on his mattress, eyes lidded as if he had just been woken up from a long nap. His blue hair was messy, clearly not brushed, and instead of his usual attire he was wearing a plain black t-shirt.

A sleepy smile found its way on Luka's lips, "Hello, Marinette," he greeted back, his voice coated with a warm fondess. That fondness didn't last long however, as he took in her current state with wide eyes. "Oh, is there any particular reason you're calling me? You look ... distressed," he said, eyes now scanning over her unruly apperance.

Marinette sharply sucked in a breath. "Well, that's because I am. I'm kinda, sorta, locked out of my house," she quickly explained, wincing as she watched Luka's eyes widen further.

"And your parents aren't around?"

Marinette shook her head. "Nope."

Luka closed his eyes. "Huh, that sucks," he breathed out. He then scrunched his features in thought, as if he was thinking hard about something. "While you wait for your parents to come back you could come to my place and hang out .... only if you want to, that is."

_I didn't even have to ask..._

Marinette started to feel her cheeks beginning to flare up with heat, and in an attempt to hide it she sunk further into the ground and let her knees hide her face. "You don't mind that?" she squeaked.

Luka's eyes opened and as his gaze slid back to his camera, a soft chuckle escaped his lips as his eyes took in the sight of her trying and failing to hide her red face. "Of course not. I'm always happy to invite you over here."

She twiddled with some loose strands of her hair; a nervous habit of hers that she can't seem to shake off no matter hard she tries to. "I-I'd love to come over, then, since you uh, don't mind."

"Yeah, alright," Luka awkwardly replied.

"Um, before I go - is your mom home?" she asked rather innocently, not seeming to realize the implications those words brought until it was too late.

A light pink blush dusted Luka's cheeks, and seemed to struggle forming a coherent sentence for a moment. "...No she isn't. My sister is, though," he said after a long period of silence.

"Oh, okay."

"Yeah."

She glanced over to her bag where her Kwami was sitting in. Tikki was avoiding her gaze, very obviously cringing at the conversation she was having with her friend. Honestly, she doesn't blame her.

Marinette started to pack up her things off-screen, "Well! I'll be going then! See you later."

"Bye bye, Marinette."

Marinette tried not to focus on how he literally _purred_ those words.

***

Now in front of the entrance of Luka's .... house? Boat? Houseboat. Yeah, that's the word - she gave three gentle knocks to the door.

As the door slowly opened with a loud creak, she expected the sight of her tall friend greeting her with a playful tease and inviting her inside, but what she did not expect was his sister on the other side, door opened just enough to see who was there through the tiny gap.

Through the crack of the door, Marinette could see her eyes were wide and fearful, as if she was expecting some sort of intruder. But then relief seemed to wash over her face as she fully opened the door, her eyes locking with Marinette's for a brief moment until her gaze fell to the ground.

"Hi," she quietly greeted. 

"Hey," Marinette replied back, hovering her head a bit over her to take a glimpse of the room behind her. "Is Luka there?"

A small smile began to form on Juleka's face. "He invited you?"

Marinette nodded.

She seemed to lit up at that, her smile grew even wider into a grin that could rival the Cheshire Cat's. It looked rather odd on such a timid girl like her. "Yeah, he's here," she said as she turned her back towards her, "Luka! Your girlfriend is here!" she called out.

Luka immediately rushed to the living room in embarrassment, and gently shooed his sister away from the door, saying to her "Please stop calling her that," under his breath. Juleka only giggled and walked away, giving them space.

Marinette quirked an eyebrow at their interactions, she's never seen Juleka so openly playful before. She supposes sibling love overules shyness, and she begins to wonder how she would act around her sibling if she had one.

"Sorry about that," Luka apologized.

"Oh no, it's no problem at all!" Marinette reassured, "I think it's sort of cute, actually. Having a little sister who teases you like that."

Luka shifted his weight to his other foot, "Yeah," he agreed. "Most people don't know it, but she can be a little shit sometimes. That doesn't mean I love her any less, though."

Marinette's eyebrows rose a bit at the curse word coming from his mouth. It wasn't that swearing was bad or anything, not at all! Luka just tended to use curse words sparingly, so it was pretty rare to hear one come from him.

Luka cleared his throat. "Um, anyway. Wanna come in?" he said as he shifted his body so it was out of Marinette's way.

"Yeah, of course."

Walking in, the familiar smell of the River Seine greeted her and she took it in with a long inhale. It must be so wonderful living in a houseboat, she thought with a pleasant smile. The river that flowed through the city of paris was an absolutely gorgeous sight to behold, and to be able to come home to that everyday sounded like a dream.

Looking around the interior of the houseboat itself, not much has changed from the last time she has been here. Sure, some furniture has been slightly rearranged, but everything was mostly the same. Warmth flooded her heart, it was so nice to be back here again.

A voice next to her ear then broke her thoughts, "Earth to Marinette? Are we gonna go to my room or do you plan to stare at the wall the whole time instead?" he playfully teased.

"Oh! Yeah, right!" Marinette squeaked as she realized she was indeed staring at a blank space in the wall, and blushed as she heard a laugh come out above her. 

"C'mon then," Luka said as he guided her towards his room. As they reached the door, Luka made sure to slide in front of her so he could open the door for her like a gentleman.

Rolling her eyes, Marinette let out a smile. "You really don't need to do that, you know."

"Oh but I insist, Ma-Ma-Marinette."

Marinette playfully shoved him with a giggle, "Dummy. You really need to let that nickname go."

Just like the rest of the house, Luka's room hasn't changed much aside from new posters from musical artists she could recognize hanged on the wall. _Monkeyz_? _Lime Devil_? Huh, he really has a peculiar taste in music.

Marinette's eyes then fell on a black piece of clothing on the floor in the corner of his room. At first she dismissed it as an old tank top, but under closer inspection that didn't seem to describe what it was. It had clips on the side, and it looked unusually tight for something that was supposed to be a loose piece of clothing.

Picking it up carefully with her index finger and thumb, Marinette tried to examine it, but before she had the chance to Luka suddenly yanked it away from her. Marinette wanted to voice her protest, but the words died on her tongue as she watched Luka cling to the piece of fabric against his chest, shielding it with arms. His skin was now paler than how it normally was, and his eyes were uncharacteristically wide and frantic in fear.

"Luka?" Marinette tried as she extended her hands towards him, "Are you okay?"

Luka flinched and immediately turned his back towards her. "Totally fine!" he replied, but the crack in his voice certainly said for itself that he was _not_ fine. "Just uh, forget you saw that."

"Forget I saw what?" Marinnete questioned. "What's so bad about some weird tank top?"

A long period of silence was exchanged between them and before Marinette could try breaking it, she was cut off.

"...You don't know what it is?"

Marinette shook her head. "No I don't. Should I?"

Saying nothing, Luka crumpled the dark fabric into a messy ball and then tossed it aside with a dark chuckle, still refusing to face her. "Of course you don't know. Don't worry about it, Mari."

"Can you just tell me what it is? I don't understand how some shirt is upsetting you _this_ much," Marinette pushed, annoyance beginning to grow in her voice.

"Really Marinette, it's _fine_. Please stop asking about it," he spat, his tone a bit too mean for her liking.

"I just-"

Luka began to bristle with anger. "How about you stop asking about it? You don't need to ask this many questions over a damn shirt!" Luka snapped, turning his body to meet her, but as he did all the rage inside him faded away as he watched Marinette begin to step back in fear.

His shoulders slumped downwards from the realization of what he had just done. "Marinette ... I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to raise my voice like that."

Marinette only pursed her lips and grabbed her things, marching towards the door. 

Hand now gripping on the door handle, Marinette decided to give Luka one last piece of her mind before she left. "If you want to have secrets, then don't get mad at me when I start questioning them."

And with that, she opened the door and slammed it behind her.

***

Luka watched the door slam shut, and immediately dug his face in his hands, muffling a loud sob that managed to escape.

He messed up. He _really_ messed up.

His eyes glazed over the crumpled binder on the floor. And he ruined his friendship with Marinette for what? Not wanting to tell her that he was trans? Marinette was an understanding, open minded girl, she would've accepted him. His dumb brain didn't seem to comprehend that, however. The illogical side of him assumed that no one aside from his mom and sister would accept him so he should hide the fact he was a transgender boy by any means possible.

He wasn't always this way. When he discovered the term transgender he embraced it with open arms, letting everyone know that's what he was. Luka wanted to let everyone know that no, he wasn't broken, there was an entire word for what he was feeling and there was a community and science to back him up.

When he decided the time was right to come out to his father, he was so excited that he was practically skipping in his steps as he walked over to him. Luka recieved a lot of online support from other trans people and allies, and he was confident that his father would understand. His mom certainly did, so he didn't see why his father wouldn't.

Luka remembers very vividly the way his father's smile immediately died as soon as he brought up the word transgender. He remembers his confidence faltering a bit, but he chose to fight through it and explain to him what gender dysphoria was, and that being trans wasn't something he just decided to become one day. It wasn't a _phase_.

As soon as his child self was finished with his long speech, he looked up at his father, hoping he would have some sort of positive reaction, but instead he only stuck his nose up at him and laughed.

He can still hear that laugh of complete and utter disgust ring in his ears to this day.

 _"So, my daughters are a lesbian and a fucking tranny? God really blessed me with these two,"_ Luka remembers his father saying to him, and as Luka stared up at him with confusion and betrayal on his face, his father stood up and walked away from his room.

On the same day, a violent fight broke out between his parents that was a result of him coming out, and he never saw his dad again.

Luka wanted to hide the fact that he was trans from Marinette so she wouldn't view him any less of a man or get a reaction like his father's, but in the process he destroyed his friendship with her. She may still think he's a cisgender boy, but now she doesn't see him as a friend, which to him was so much worse.

***

Marinette threw her hands in the air, "Ugh, I can't with him! I can't believe he got mad over me asking what a dumb shirt was!" she ranted to no one in particular. Well, perhaps not no one. Tikki was still in her bag, but she hasn't been able to comment on anything yet.

Across the room, she heard a door click open and little footsteps pad over towards her. 

Juleka.

"Marinette, are you okay?" the girl timidly asked, brushing her hair away from her face. "I heard yelling from my room."

"Yeah, I'm okay," Marinette reassured, then felt tears prickling in the corner of her eyes as she recalled what happened only moments ago. "He just got really mad over something so minor and started yelling at me. He apologized but it ... it still hurts," she put a hand on her heart in emphasis.

Juleka frowned, her lips pursed in disbelief. "That doesn't sound like him at all. He never gets angry."

Marinette gave her a nod in agreement, "I've never seen him like that before."

"...What exactly was the minor thing he got so mad about?" She approached the situation carefully.

"Oh, uh, I found some weird tank top in his room and when I tried to get a closer look he suddenly snatched it away and started to get really fidgety. When I wanted to know what it was to get a better understanding of why he was acting that way, he suddenly got really defensive and angry," Marinette explained.

"Weird... tank top..." Juleka repeated slowly, and then her mouth fell open a little, as if some realization dawned on her. "Okay, I know you have every right to be angry, and you certainly do, but you should talk to Luka and listen to his apology before you go."

"You're right," Marinette agreed after a moment of consideration. "It's the least I can give him."

Juleka nodded, but said nothing.

Bracing herself, Marinette walked over to the door to her friend's bedroom and lightly tapped it with her index finger. "Luka? Can I come in?"

"Yeah," a wobbly voice behind the door confirmed.

Marinette felt her heart twist in empathy, she's familiar enough with that wobbly voice to know that he was crying. She has never heard him cry before, but she went through many emotional rough patches of her own many many time to recognize it. Turning the doorknob slowly, she opened the door and was immediately greeted by a red faced, sniffling Luka enveloped in a bundle of blankets.

She chose to sat next to him on the mattress, but not too close where it could possibly be uncomfortable for him. "Hey," she began, in the softest voice she could muster, "I don't think it's 'just a shirt' if you reacted that badly to it. Whatever feelings it brought to you are valid, and I'm sorry for pushing you to explain why you were so scared."

Luka grip on his blankets tightened. "I should be the one apologizing to you. You were confused and I lashed out on you. You didn't deserve that, Marinette."

With a smile on her face, Marinette gently placed a hand on his shoulder. "I agree, I didn't. But I was being pushy too, and you didn't deserve that either. Do you wanna hug it out and forget about it?"

"I'm trans."

Marinette slowly retracted her hand from his shoulder with a quiet "oh".

"And that," Luka pointed to the black cloth on the ground in front of them, "is one of my binders. I use it to bind my chest."

"I ... I never would've guessed," Marinette said dumbly, "I mean ... you look so ... you already look ..."

Luka finished the sentence for her, his tone icy and distant. "Yes, I know, I don't look any different from your typical cisgender boy. I've been on testosterone for years, but top surgery is an expensive and difficult process so I haven't had it yet."

Marinette only nodded, not seeming to fully process this new information quite yet.

He began to shed the blankets off of him, antsy to get out of this situation. "If you're trying to find the right words to tell me you cant look at me the same anymore in the nicest way possible, just please get it over with and leave."

"Luka..." Marinette breathed out, hurt in her voice. "Why would you ever think I would look at you differently? Do you really think I'm that kind of person?"

Luka looked at her, a complex expression on his face as he was lost for words.

"I ... I don't think you're that kind of person," he finally managed to say. Memories of when he came out to his father began to rush through his mind, and tears tried to fight their way out, but he held them in because he was a _man_ , damn it. "I'm just so scared. I-I really like you, and I don't want to lose you."

Marinette immediately embraced Luka into a tight hug. "You won't lose me. I don't see you any differently, you're still the Luka I've always known."

Luka let his head rest on her shoulder as he returned the hug. 

"I like you too, you know?" Marinette whispered, letting her cheek rest against his blue curls.

"Mm, really?"

"Yeah," she breathed out in agreement. "You're cute, charming, funny, talented, and you always make me feel like I'm the most special girl in the world. How could I possibly not like you?"

Luka closed his eyes as he let Marinette nuzzle against his hair. "I treat you like you're the most special girl in the world because that's what you deserve, Marinette. Although, I suppose part of my special treatment is because I saw myself in you, and I wanted to make you feel the things I never got to felt myself."

"...What do you mean?"

"Before meeting you and your friends, I didn't have many friends myself. Not many people wanted to get to know the alternative guy with dyed hair and black nail polish. I ended up getting bullied, and everything I tried to do to show I was worth something was always overlooked because someone did it better."

Marinette shifted in his arms, "And you thought I was getting bullied like that too?" she asked.

"Not exactly," Luka denied, and he opened his eyes, staring at a poster hanged up on the wall in front of him as a visual distraction. "I'm not sure if you were ever bullied like I was, but I get a sense of ... underapprecation from you. Like, others have a hard time seeing the talent you're truly capable of."

Marinette covered her frown in his hair. No one recognized the accomplishments she achieved as Ladybug when she was plain old Marinette, so he was pretty spot on about that. She wished she could vent to him about the struggles of having a secret superhero identity while also being an ordinary citizen, but she held herself back before she could spill all her secrets to him.

"...You aren't wrong," she decides to say.

"Thought so," Luka whispered next to her ear, "but I'm very sorry you feel like that, Marinette. No one should _ever_ feel that way."

"It's okay," Marinette said, because truly, it was okay. Now that Luka was here.

It'll all be okay, Marinette thought as her hands found their way to the small of his back, and pulled him into an impossibly tighter hug.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! 
> 
> im very sorry if this seemed ooc or too self indulgent. luka is a very blank slate character, and i wanted to give him more depth. i love luka, but i wished he had more of a personality and flaws, so i made this.


End file.
